Gawnews: Guess the Author

Gawnews offers the following excellent writing piece. Guess who the author is? Put your guess in comments. Winner gets
free shot of jaegermeister.

“Things gained through unjust fraud are never secure.”- Sophocles

Does she or doesn’t she? Only the lost and found department at Tampa International Airport knows for sure. I am talking about Jasmine Tridevil’s saga.

In case you haven’t been following the viral news lately she is a 21 year old massage therapist who claims she had a third breast surgically implanted. I have read that her reasoning was twofold. First she wants to be an actress. Secondly, she wanted to make herself more unattractive to men

Let me state emphatically at this point that if there is now a viable surgical technique to add a 3rd breast that might be just the medical breakthrough the male world has been awaiting. To that futuristic surgeon on behalf of all men I say, “ Thank You!” You will be so much more revered in the Man Hall OF Fame than the traitorous doctor who pioneered the dreadful breast reduction surgical technique.

I will address the second point of her argument first. If you are a female and you wish to become less attractive to men getting a 3rd breast would be way at the bottom of my list of suggestions. Men love breasts. If you are a woman who doesn’t know that from personal experience you obviously don’t pay attention to anything ever. I guess this begs of the question can you get too much of a good thing?

Perhaps if you had zero breasts that might be a real turn off for men. That reminds me a joke. What do you call a woman without boobs? Justin Bieber, hey! (rim shot). Having an extra breast is just giving a man more of what he already wants. Now if you want to have plastic surgery to turn a man away get a third eye or a second nose.

In case you haven’t seen the photos Jasmine is a fine looking young lady. The third breast is located precisely between the two originals. It catches your eye at first glance. In one photograph she even is wearing a custom made dress with an extra, you know, dress thingy holder. I guess her clothes have to be customized now as with the third breast it will be hard to buy off the rack! Yes, I said rack. I couldn’t resist.

As far as an actress one can only think of the parts available. I mean a remake of My Three Sons. How about Threes Company? 3:10 to Yuma! With some singing and dance lessons she could become a real triple threat. She could even adopt a personalized version of the old Bob Hope song, “Thanks for the mammarys!”

The irony of the girl with the fake 3rd boob is simply that she wants her own reality show. Will it consists of her just walking around in skimpy outfits? Is there enough material there for an hour? I know many shows have been centered on a girl with two breasts before. Obviously she would be a natural, so to speak, for brassiere commercials; “For all those girls who want to walk around in 3-D.!”

The ethical questions of a plastic surgeon even performing such an operation seem obvious. What if the third breast doesn’t hold up over a long period of time? Can the doctor be sued for non-support?

Alas, now I must tell you that all of this 3rd breast story could be just a hoax. One station is reporting that after her baggage was lost the young lady filled out a claim form that listed 3 breasts prosthesis. At this point I can’t prove that the copy of that claim ticket is any more valid than her original claims about the surgery.

Perhaps this will all be another example of everyone falling for an internet story about a woman having 3 breasts that is about more than meets the eye. One cannot deny that Jasmine Tridevil has found a way to make herself well known around the world if only for a short time. But in today’s celebrity driven culture that just might be enough for her to get a television show or a lucrative offer to appear nude with however many breast she cares to expose to the world.

Since I am submitting this story on Wednesday evening more might be known by the time it is read on Saturday at your dinner table. I will keep abreast of the story myself. In the end, it just might be people like me who feel like the real boob when the final truth is known.

Sometimes we just want to believe the unbelievable. Somewhere P.T. Barnum must be smiling and only imagining what he could have accomplished with the worldwide web and a gullible global worldwide audience. Who knows Jasmine might even get hers in the end and come out on the losing end for her ruse and lose all of her fame? The English have a term that means “equivalent retaliation” or as they call it, tit-for-tat.