December 9, 2013- GOLIATH COMPOUND, Jeffersonville IN- Today Goliath officially announced a DECLARATION OF WAR! Cyber hostilities are now OPEN AND war is declared on Narvik, Norway and The Clark County Chatter. The causa belli are long and many, according to the peace loving Giant.
“All and many knows very very well that Goliath is a giant of Peace. However, in the events of mortal men there come a time when you must drink jagermeister and a time to refrain from drinking jagermeister. A time to reap and a time to sew doilies. Now is such a time to declare immediate and unmitigated cyber war on Narvik Norway and The Clark County Chatter. The causes are just. Our mission is sacred. Here are the offenses:
1. In November 1979, Goliath was a paying guest at the Narvik Youth Hostel along with his friend and companion Stats. On a certain date, Goliath and Stats departed the hostel in the company of a pretty Australian girl and some dipshit Japanese fellow. They proceeded to a local pub and commenced to drink Norwegian Beer thus…stimulating and benefiting the local economy. On the walk back to the hostel, the party engaged in a snow ball fight. SOME BODY throwed a snowball at a small white sedan that was passing by. Perhaps it was an accident…perhaps not. However, the upshot was that Goliath and Stats was throwed out, ejected and eradicated from their berth in the youth hostel. This atrocious behavior has, until now, never been avenged. That changes NOW!!!
2. Terms and conditions of war: Hereafter until the complete surrender or cyber annihilation of Narvik: the following:
a. Narvik is not permitted to comment, post or even READ Gawnews
b. Narvik is condemned to a measly 2 hours of sunlight per day from now until March 12, 2014
c. Narvik is banned from purchasing items from GOLIATH’s TREASURES internet gift shop. This is called a “Trade Embargo”
d. Nobody can say anything good about NARVIK on Gawnews.
If these here tactics do not bring Narvik to its knees…then harsher methods may be considered …such as publishing cartoons depicting Narvik as a cesspool of the North etc.,
RE: The ClarkCountyChatter
1. As all and many know, from time to time Goliath has declared war on the CCC for various rude behaviors and affronts to the dignity and squalid effrontery of Goliath. It recently come to Goliath’s attention that the CCC has BANNED a designated poster of GAWNEWS …one H.T. (hoosiertaxpayer otherwise known as “Batboy”) from the CCC.
Goliath see where Quasar done posted all his big high and mighty reasons why he done this to HT…and, frankly, HT probaly richly deserve punishments and chastisements. None the less, HT is a longtime ally of the GAWNEWS and GOLIATH KEEPS FAITH WITH ALLIES. THus, GOLIATH DECLARE WAR ON CCC. This will be the 3rd massive cyber war fought with the hideous and illiterate CCC. Goliath done vanquished the CCC before so we look for this to be a quick and easy squashment of that cyber site. Here are the terms and conditions to be imposed:
a. HOSTAGES TAKEN: Effective immediately, Goliath BANS Jules and CHOPPERGAL from the GAWNEWS. (get it? CCC ban one…Goliath ban 2 ! Ha ha ha!!!!)
b. Goliath shall re-run pas vicious attacks on the CCC. Such as famous cartoon of battlefield negotiations between Syn 2 and the (retired) Grumpy Granny. for example.
c. CCC must reinstate YMC AND HT to the halls of the CCC …or EAT WAR ASHES
SO LET IT BE WRITTEN….SO LET IT BE DONE!!!!
-Goliath, December 9, 2013
UPDATE: ADDITIONAL HOSTILE TERMS IMPOSED ON CCC:
Goliath announced additional HOSTILE terms imposed on the CCC to wit:
d. TRADE EMBARGO: CCC may no longer have the privilege of purchasing Xmas gifts (OR ANY other MERCHANDISE) from the beloved GOLIATH’S TREASURES internet gift shop. http://www.printfection.com/account/store_section.php?storeid=104426
Heres some EXCELLENT items you will be missing out on:
The NSHBM FLipping the bird apron:
CHOPPERGAL COFFEE MUG
AVAILABLE EXCLUSIVELY at GOLIATH’s TREASURES.