“Let’s go Krogering”

Well,  if you are a 3,000 year old giant, it goes without saying that you don’t have many peers.  Still,  the Sprout has to eat,  Sheba El Al and Li’l Taj need their Vitamin water “…make sure you get the “glow” …with strawberry and guanabana berry” so Goliath, like many other have to go to the dad blast Kroger like everbody else.  Goliath ain’t exactly fond of this here task….don’t mind it…just don’t necessarily like knockin around the aisles searching out the evasive and always being moved ‘whole canned chili peppers’.

When you walks about in the good old Kroger….one is exposed to the vagaries and variances of ‘the human condition’ especially if you shop across the river at what is fondly known as ‘Dirty Kroger’.   Now, if you go Krogering here, you will soon see a freak show rival any Walmart.  Also,  everybody who is anybody eventually winds up shopping at Dirty Kroger so you see local celebrity there too.  The whole shebang.

When Goliath shop,  Goliath talks to hisself. “where the hell is the ketchup,  I guess you thought you was clever and cute and what not hiding it over next to marsmallows. Who in hell eat marshmallows?”.  Goliath know that many and all say its a signal mark of Madness if you gets to talking to yerself.  Goliath not care.  At this point Goliath finds the stuff he got to say to hisself a  LOT more inneresting and entertaining than the stuff most other people got to say.   Plus,  Goliath like to talk…and enjoys making funny voices, accents,  gruff southern twangs and the like.  Redneck Hillbilly or classy British ….just for the pleasure of rolling the words around.

If Goliath was out at church or at work or something, Goliath probably not be so loquacious, but,  at the Kroger? It just seem like a perfectly natural continuation of the stream of consciousness going on as Goliath drive to the dad blast Kroger.The car ride is pretty funny.  “I see you got a license and nice big car.  That vehicle actually has turn signals you dad blast nit wit.  Look….slow it down a little more…I bet you can drop an extry couple mph on the thang and hold us up here in this fascinating lane even longer….long enough to not make that green light. Good job Posey boy!  Oh…nice move with that cell phone.  My guess is that’s a very important call to your hollywood agent. ….”  It goes along like that.  It fits right in to the milieu as we move from the car into the Kroger.  “Dayum!  you got you some apples didn’ you girlfriend! And that UK sweatshirt looks AWESOME!!!” 

“I like the way you got your cart clogging up that whole aisle.  Are you puzzling over those canned beans? How long it take to decide? Pinto or Navy?  Don’t rush it.  She is worried. How do you worry over beans? How do you not even know what bean you want? I guess that’s a rich life.  I think I’ll just swang around that mess.  WHOA….that is an amazing hat you got there….” 

As Uncle Bill would say, this probably proof that the butter finally done slipped off the biscuit.


2 comments for ““Let’s go Krogering”

  1. Bonnie
    December 29, 2014 at 10:13 pm

    Stopping and hogging a whole aisle, while ignorant or ignoring those around, is about as cluelessly selfish as one can get. Happens anywhere there is an aisle. Same people tend to be the ones who walk in the middle of the parking lot too so you can’t drive past. Pet peeve of mine too Goliath!

  2. January 1, 2015 at 1:15 am

    What about the Dutch Apple Pies?

Tell 'em how you really feel