Look at this unruly mess I’ve made


How was your holiday season?

I’m thrilled it’s over and you would feel the same way if you were in my shoes.

I’ve sure done a good job of creating a mess that will take some time and dedication to clean up.

Oh brother.

I can’t help looking around me, or going through my phone or getting on Facebook and thinking, “Yup, I’ve most definitely let them down,” or “Yeah, I doubt I’ll be invited to another one of their functions.”

I could make a list of people that I feel awful for letting down, but I don’t see the purpose in such a post.

Perhaps the most painful, is the situation I put myself in last year that caused me to lose someone I love dearly and I set an awful example for her child. I had the best intentions, I truly did, and still feel I made some “correct” decisions, even if they led to us growing apart. But, without a doubt, losing this connection hurt more than any other. We’re not enemies, but the sense of wonder and love certainly isn’t there. Enough on this particular relationship.

Then there’s people like my family, Of course my parents, who have been there for me the entire way, wish I’ve made better choices, but it’s the indirect actions that caught me off guard. For example, hearing that my 15-year old niece was disappointed in me was a struggle. “She looks up to you so much,” I was told. It was crushing.

That was a difficult conversation to have.

The list goes on, I’ve disappointed dear friends, business partners, my employer, political associates and so many others.

I could go on, explaining how terrible I feel for letting so many people down, but, to be honest, I don’t want to.

To those I’ve let down, I’m sorry.

For now, I’m getting the help I need and I’ve got laser focused and embracing the next episode of my life.