“FBI Raids Kennedy Fundamentalist Compound” from “The Onion”

Note: This article directly from the Onion.

HYANNIS PORT, MA—In a surprise predawn raid Monday, heavily armed FBI agents stormed the notorious Kennedy Compound in Massachusetts, reportedly arresting more than two dozen key members of the faction and exposing many of the bizarre inner workings of this insular fundamentalist organization.

According to officials, agents in full SWAT gear disembarked from patrol boats just off Cape Cod and quickly advanced upon the 6-acre oceanfront compound. The raid followed a multiyear investigation into illicit activities by the secretive Kennedy group, which are said to have included substance abuse, rampant promiscuity, and carefully formulated plans to seize control of the United States.

“At approximately 4:15 a.m., federal agents entered the Kennedy premises, apprehending numerous individuals and charging them with multiple counts of attempting to infiltrate the government at federal, state, and local levels,” said lead investigator Frank Campbell, adding that the group’s steadily expanding network of members has used the compound as a base from which to extend its power for decades. “Our investigation indicates that several charismatic leaders within the sect manufactured an intense cult of personality that, over the years, they have used to hold sway over many thousands of followers nationwide.”

“It appears that the people at the top of this structure possessed a near-pathological desire to exert control over others and manipulate their beliefs,” he continued. “These are ideologues, plain and simple. To the many people who got caught up in this so-called family, these individuals’ power of persuasion was irresistible.”

Searching the three clapboard houses that compose the compound, investigators said they found numerous symbols consistent with intense fanaticism, including framed photographs of their late leader, John F. Kennedy, upon whom family members appear to have accorded a sort of godlike status. Sources confirmed that the messianic figure spoke of a mystical “New Frontier” and believed the future of his people hinged upon making a journey to the moon, a mission he ordered his followers to carry out as quickly as possible.

Records show the compound was established in 1926 by Joseph P. Kennedy Sr., a man referred to as “the patriarch” and believed to have more than 100 descendants. A survey of land deeds determined that Kennedy’s children and grandchildren—many of whom were known to take multiple wives and produce unusually large numbers of offspring to propagate their ranks—later bought up several of the surrounding Hyannis Port properties, apparently to keep family members confined in close proximity while keeping outsiders at bay.

Providing evidence of the group’s eccentric ideology, FBI forensic psychologist Ada Willmann told reporters the Kennedy clan’s belief system is structured around the central concept of “Camelot,” within which the family perceives itself in grand, mythic terms as a kind of modern-day American royalty.

“Given such profound levels of self-delusion, we’re clearly dealing with a group of people who have divorced themselves from reality,” said Willmann, adding that interrogators have been able to glean little new information from the family members now in custody, who so far have stuck to similar lines of strange utopian rhetoric. “Remember, many members of the Kennedy group have been trapped in the compound for decades. They appear to have been subject to the same rigid philosophy and forced to repeat the same mantras again and again. Over the years, they have become increasingly closed-off and paranoid, and the hardliners who remain are fully indoctrinated.”

“They all look the same, talk the same, and even dress the same,” she added. “It’s very unsettling.”

FBI officials acknowledged the success of the Kennedy raid stands in stark contrast to a botched operation two years ago at the remote Cheney family ranch in the Wyoming wilderness, where 14 federal agents attempting to serve a warrant were gunned down by extremists on site.

Some Peoples can not handle the good old Jaegermeister

This Is What Alcohol Labels Would Say If They Were Honest 11 - https://www.facebook.com/diplyofficial

According to Urban Dictionary, it’s “a.k.a. Liquid Crack. it will make you do things most liquor won’t” and will apparently make you take chicks home that you wouldn’t otherwise think of taking home whilst sober. It also tastes like a syrupy cough medicine full of spices and herbs, one shot too many will probably make you vomit like you drank the syrup of ipecac. This stuff is dangerous.

(according to Web article:

This Is What Alcohol Labels Would Say If They Were Honest )

Bob Bottorff’s Plan for Positive Change: Community Partnership

Plan for Positive Change:  A Proactive Community Approach to Criminal Prosecution

The underlying purpose of criminal prosecution is simple: To make our community safe by reducing crime. While this goal is easily stated, attaining lower crime rates requires a multi-faceted approach, which begins on our neighborhood streets. There has been a reinvigorated neighborhood movement in Clark County, and the prosecutor’s office, under my leadership, will be a partner with these associations, along with other community leaders. By partnering with neighborhood leaders, and the law enforcement officers who are on the streets everyday, the prosecutor can better anticipate crime, and take steps to respond to the community’s needs before crime occurs to keep it from happening. This is a proactive approach, whereby the prosecutor is working directly with community leaders (i.e., neighborhood association leaders, police, educators, social service leaders, etc…) to attack crime in our high crime areas, and direct resources to these areas to (1) reduce the opportunity for crime, (2) reduce the need for crime, and (3) increase the effective response when it occurs.

The Current, Reactive Approach in Place Now
As it stands, criminal prosecution begins after a law enforcement officer investigates potential criminal activity (based on a citizen report or his/her personal observation). Once the officer’s investigation is completed, a report is generated and is submitted to the prosecutor’s office for review and for formal charging. Currently, this is the first time the prosecutor’s office involves itself in the crime fighting process. Formal charges are prepared based on the information provided in the law enforcement officer’s investigation report and are filed with the appropriate court. The criminal defendant is then brought before the court for the reading of the formal charges, the Constitutional rights, the minimum and maximum possible penalties, the setting of deadlines, and follow-up dates to allow for information to be exchanged between the defendants attorney and the state of Indiana, and negotiations between the parties begin, often taking months or years. During this time all possible deterrent impact of swift punishment is lost, and local tax dollars are wasted housing the pretrial detainee.

This approach is out-dated and is not working as our community continues to grow.

The New Proactive Approach Under My Leadership

My commitment to Clark County is to the following core principals, which summarize some of the more specific policies I will be implementing if I am selected to serve our community as it’s next Prosecuting Attorney. If you have further question, please contact me and let me know.

Step One- Community Partnerships
I will be partnering with our neighborhood associations, law enforcement agencies, and other community leaders to keep a dynamic strategy in place to keep crime from happening in our neighborhoods.

Step Two- Focus on Training 
The Prosecutor’s office will begin monthly training sessions with local law enforcement agencies, to help law enforcement officers, who are required to make instantaneous legal decisions that are later picked apart and scrutinized in court by attorneys attempting to serve their clients. Officers need to be provided the tools to confidently make these decisions. Along with these monthly training sessions, the prosecutors in my office will be partnering with police officers in each of our local police agencies to do “ride-alongs” to help build a sense of teamwork between the prosecutors and our men and women in blue. Without this perspective, a prosecutor simply cannot understand the sacrifices these men and women make on a daily basis. Lastly, deputy prosecutors will be participating in required jury trial training programs.

Step Three- Victims First
When people are victimized by criminals in our community, the Prosecutor’s office must respond to the needs of the victims and their families. Under my leadership this support will begin at the beginning of the criminal prosecution, and will continue until the criminal defendant no longer presents a threat to our community.

I want to be the next Clark County Prosecuting Attorney because I care deeply about our community and I am disappointed that we can no longer feel comfortable letting kids ride their bikes around my home town. To me, that means we have lost something that was very special about Clark County. We may never be able to go back to where we were, but I am committed to helping eradicate the forces that have stolen our sense of security.